In the other side, I do believe I have right to succeed, to reach I want. It's, of course, needs a lot of effort. It's a such a journey. I'm 30 now, by the way.
I wanna be a writer, don't I? This sincere answer always echoes on my mind. What kind of writer, always be my next question. Honestly, I still feel hard to write honestly. I do have my own preference. I am too scared to be honest, to follow my heart. Frankly, it's been a decade for me to learn about writing.
Further more, I feel so depressed due to my financial issue. I need to survive. I wanna make money through my work in writing. It really effects me. It changes my intention of writing. I wanna be a professional writer, in fiction. As a human I wanna be rich to help people. I wanna lift up my family's happiness to fulfill their needs.
My mentor, Kang Aming, said it's OK if you write to earn money. Just stick with it. Even more, I can motivate you to write consistently. As someone who has written several novels, He said someone who wanna be anything, include writer, should have commitment. Sticking with schedule that has been arranged. But, yeah, that's all back to the purpose and intention in the first place. I think I am stuck with this basic.
Well, I need to dig in my big why. Why do I really wanna be writer?
It began when I was in junior secondary school. I didn't have any thing to do for having fun, till I found TV and book. Fiction book. I think I start liking book when I was elementary student. Did I? I liked fable. on TV, I really liked Disney or other animation. Since then, I liked making my own story. Even, I made a simple comic for my last exam. The story is about friendship. It's fable with using rabbit character.
It continued in secondary school. I enlarge my circle. I had several friends. They gave me new experience. One of that was book. Andi, one of them is book nerd. Sometimes I borrowed his books. Once, I borrowed his book about Japanese Folktale. It made me fall in love with fiction story. But, I rarely red book at that time, tho. It's because I couldn't afford to buy some books. My school library? It was like warehouse. It's not managed well when I was still first grade. I just borrowed text book there.
I also liked writing poetry, poem, and short story to release my lonesome and depression. I didn't have any friend and lock myself to stay at home. I just went out from my home when I went to school for study or some extracurricular, and went out for English and computer course. I also wrote diary or everything on my head. I wrote in random book or papers. I don't know where those are, now. What a pity. I wanted to be a fiction writer at that time.
My lonesome and depressed increased when I was in vocational school, apparently. It's my first time to leave my home. It was also the furthest one. I lived in small Islamic boarding house. It was hard to get along with people around me; my boarding mates and my class mates. The library become my escape. Thank God, There were my kind of book there, include Sastrawangi or gender literacy. In the library, I also found Horison.
I also like reading Islamic Magazine from my Islamic Extracurricular's mentor. I started falling in love in Islamic literacy. I knew Helvy Tiana Rosa, Irfan Hidayatullah, and other FLP's writers. Since that, I wanna be Islamic Writer. I wanna share Islamic value through my work. But, I was just for hobby.
Time flew, I looked for a job to earn money, to survive. I didn't write anything for more than two years. My writing activity came back when I decided to study in college in 2009. I joined FLP officially. I crawled to write again. At that time I still thought fiction writing was as my hobby. But, deep down in my heart I wanted to be pro.
Something was happened. I got my lowest point in my life when I was in fifth semester. I decided to stop my study. It was really hard. I stop writing too. I wrote again when I worked as a labor. I learned it from the beginning again. It was in 2012. I wrote some short stories.I started blogging too.
So, I still dig in my big why!
